Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Right Where I Need To Be

Our bunch!

Yesterday I filled in at a pediatric dental office.  I've been a dental assistant since 1998.  I worked in a pediatric office right after I got my certification for several years.  I took some time off to stay at home after I had Anthony back in 2000.  I then decided to go back to work after I had Juliebelle and that's where I landed a job in another pediatric office and stayed for several more years.  After Lauren's arrival, I decided to stay at home and raise my children.  After my divorce in 2008, I headed back to the dental world, back at the office I worked after Juliebelle was born.  After the arrival of Lucas, I decided to stay at home again.
Well, yesterday, I filled in at a pediatric office in Eagle for the day.  The day consisted of a 6:30am shift to a 6:30pm shift.  All I have to say is...I was exhausted!!

While driving home from my temporary work yesterday, I realized something profound.  I realized I belong at home with Lucas for the time being.  I really thought before yesterday, I wanted to go back to work.  I really thought that I needed to feel the "purpose" of life.  Sure, taking care of a house and all of the members is a "job", but it didn't feel rewarding to me.  I don't get the end of the month check that validates my hard work.  I don't get the monthly bonuses that say, "Great job Ang, you're a star employee!"
I really wanted to feel wanted and needed, not used-like I can sometimes feel being a mom who stays home.
My profound realization was simply this: 
I may not get the monthly check, bonuses, or pats on the backs, but what I do get is valuable time spent with my babies.  I know after school, those children of mine will come home to a safe house, not a childcare center or worse, an empty house.  (I'm sure they'd prefer the empty house or the childcare center most days...versus Mom's rules!)
I know that being a mom you don't get the necessary pats on the back everyday, let alone every week or month.  But what I do know is my babies will eventually grow up.  Their need for me will diminish as the years pass.  I will have the opportunity to go back into the working field when their need is no longer for me.  Until then, I have discovered this is right where I need to be.  
For now, the occasional temporary work will be just fine.
My pats on the back will hopefully arrive when the children reach their early to mid 20's.  When the realization of what your mom did for you hits you smack dab in the face Till then, this is where I need to be.

Please note that if you are reading this and your kids are in a childcare center, I mean no disrespect to you or your situation.  I know that there are moms out there who HAVE to work and there is no other option but childcare. 

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