Thursday, March 7, 2013

I Surrender



I'm surrendering.  Not because I want to, oh no, but because I feel I have to.
I'm tired of the pain it puts me through.  I'm exhausted of the turmoil it's doing to me.  And I'm becoming too anxious wondering if it'll ever stop.  

I'm talking about the dreaded mastitis that I've gotten for the third and final time.
Yes, I did just have a bout of it that came on Valentine's day.  Yes, it was only three short weeks ago that I was cursed with it again.  But this time?  This time made me realize I cannot do it any longer.
Of course I get stricken when Steve returns to work for two days.  It requires him to take time off, which isn't always so easy.  And of course it strikes when I have all five kids.

It's debilitating to my body.  It puts me in extreme pain which includes severe body aches, (think your worst flu-like body aches) chills, fever of 102-104, and headaches that won't go away.  Oh yeah, and a sore breast that develops a glorious lump the size of a golf ball, that if touched, sends me to the moon!

I'm so saddened to have to discontinue nursing my baby.  It saddens me because I know nursing him is what's best for him and his long term health.  It also saddens me because that was "our" time together.  But I also know what it does to me if I continue.  And what it does to my family to have to see their mom constantly in bed and in pain.

I'll get over it.  Yeah, I know I will.  I guess I need to find the positive in this situation.  And that being...Steve can help with the feedings more and I can gain a piece of me back.


5 comments:

  1. You have to do what is best for baby AND you...it is a hard decision and I support whatever you decide. Hugs and I hope you feel better soon 'cause I hear monster trucks calling your name. XOXO ~ Sarah

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  2. Thanks Sarah! We're counting down the days of monster truck madness! We are so excited!!!

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  3. So sorry- Hope all is better now.. He sure has a cute smile!

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  4. I know this has been really difficult for you Angela.. but sometimes things are out of our control. I like what Sara said...you have to do what is not only best for baby but what is best for you too!

    Colette

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  5. Heather...yes, all is better and I'm SO happy! Thanks, I love his smile too.
    Colette, thank you for your support! It was beyond difficult to have to make this decision, but I know it's best. :)

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