Friday, December 13, 2013

The Roller Coaster of Marriage

Marriage is defined as:

noun: marriage

the formal union of a man and a woman, typically recognized by law, by which they become husband and wife.

That's it?  That's their only definition?  There's nothing more substantial to it than that?  Oh please tell me there is.  You mean I'm going through what I'm going through, the good, the bad, and even the ever so ugly at times for that definition?

Well, I'm going to have to agree to disagree on that one!

Marriage's definition should be simple:  A union between a man and woman that will include the following - and ALL will apply at one time or another:

Times of pure passion, hearts-on-fire-kind of love

Moments where you will want to never leave each other's side

Sections of time where you will be so mad at one another, somehow all flaws are discovered in one frame of time...usually in a matter of seconds to minutes 

You may even contemplate packing your things up and heading South...or North...or even West or long as it's away from them...far, far away


Days at a time where you are thanking the Lord above for this roller coaster of a union and wouldn't have it any other way.

You see, I was always under the notion that marriage was perfect.  It was harmonious all day everyday.  I even thought divorce would send me to the front of the line at hell's fiery gates.  And so when I grew up in the Tuso household, I thought my parents were the odd men out.  Because they would argue, fuss, and fight with one another.  They would have moments where they despised one another, but had the I-never-want-to-live-without-you love other times.  I thought it was supposed to be different.  I thought marriages were in deed the ones I watched on Leave it to Beaver, Family Ties, and The Cosby Show...not my house...not my parent's marriage.

Fast forward 25 to 30 years and I am where I am today.  I am in a marriage somehow mirrored of my parent's union.  

Mirrored in the sense that my union with Steve isn't always perfect.  We have moments, where like every marriagewe can't get enough of one another and then a flip of a dime, we are looking at one another in anger and rage. (Usually it's always me...hormones can play an ugly role in marriages...can I get an AMEN!!)  It's also mirrored in the sense that no matter what amusement park ride we're on that day, whether it be the teacups- spinning in circles, or the roller coaster - where the emotions are flying, or maybe even it's the boat ride through It's a Small World - where things are relaxed, we know that we will always have a love for one another that can never be messed with, fouled up, or even parted.

I now know in life that all couples struggle with hardships.  I know that marriages aren't always mirrored like Ward and June, Steven and Elyse, or even Cliff and Clair, they're mirrored like Steve and Ang or my parents, John and Gail.  They're mirrored in such a way to our marriage, that it binds couples to each other.  It binds them to the fact that what they have is worth fighting for when times get ugly.  And it binds them ever so tightly when times are a walk in the park.

I know that my marriage to Steve is at times normal, filled with emotions not explainable, and more than anything...normal.  My days of thinking marriage is supposed to always be peaceful and warm are over.  Marriage is about the good and bad of one another.  It's the simplicity of just knowing you're with one another through thick and thin...forever.  I happen to like knowing that.  I happen to like knowing that our marriage is flawed at times and not perfect.  Who needs perfect?  Not these two!


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